DUDE, this game is BAD!

Bad Dudes was developed by Data East and released for the NES in 1988. As usual with these beat 'em ups, it's an arcade port. The arcade game is pretty good, but the NES port suffers greatly. It is truly a BAD game. 

One year earlier, Date East released their greatest creation, Double Dragon. Perhaps a different team at Data East helmed BD, because it feels different from DD. DD2 would be released the same year, and is regarded today as the best in the series. BD, on the other hand, is not so highly regarded today. 

The game opens up with a message from, uh, some dude with shades: "The President has been kidnapped by ninjas. Are you a bad enough dude to rescue the President?" That's the plot! It's sort of ridiculous because, (1) ninjas don't kidnap, they KILL, and (2) Why do they want the US President anyways? This is never explained, but beat 'em ups usually don't have important plots. The standard beat 'em up plot usually has to do with kidnapping (TMNT, Final Fight, Double Dragon, I rest my case). 

So these two bad dudes (do they work for the government or did they volunteer?) take to the streets in order to rescue the President. I know this is an NES game, but compared to DD, the graphics are terrible and the gameplay is choppy. For one thing, the characters are very stiff when they move; it looks like they're constipated. The characters can punch and kick; no throwing, no body slamming, etc. However, you can pick up one of two weapons, nun chucks and a knife, and use them to attack the baddies. The bad guys can appear on the screen very quickly and run into your BAD DUDE before you can turn around; this can be frustrating. 

(The image above left is from the NES version; the image on the right is from the Arcade version.)

The bosses are simple and sometimes even lazy imitations of the bad guys; the boss of the thrid level is a typical ninja sprite who can transform into multiple ninjas. It seems the programmers ran out of good ideas for bosses. In the arcade game, when you finish a level, your character puts his arms in the air and says, "I'M BAD!" However, this doesn't sound so good on the NES; instead of sounding like any kind of phrase, it just sounds like the guy is barfing. HIBRWAAAAR! Seriously, when you hear it, you think, "What was THAT?" Maybe that was cool in the '80s? 

The game becomes very repetitive. It's just not fun. The arcade version is far superior, as is often the case. This is a lazy port. The port for DD was much better. If you're going to play a beat 'em up game, don't play this one. In my opinion, the peak of the beat 'em up genre was with TMNT 4 and Streets of Rage 2, which would not come for a few years. 

Final Verdict: 2 Stars--Not Worth It

Bad Dudes is, well, a bad game. The scenery is ugly, the characters are rigid, the gameplay is cheap, and it's just not fun in the end. Really, is the President worth it? It's got one thing right, though: the name is very fitting. 

Join me every Saturday as we take a look back at all kinds of retro games, good and bad.